The Beginning of the End

After my second session with #Mistercontrol I was determined to make the next session completely about him. I still felt a sense of quilt and wanted to make up for that. So, I waited for him to set a day and time. We talked daily like usual, but the conversation seemed a bit different. A lot less relationship based and more friendship based, especially  on #MisterControl’s part. You see I shared my concerns about my marriage with him and the fact that I  was considering leaving my husband at this point. I assured him that this decision had nothing to do with him, but I don’t think he quite believed me. Honestly, I didn’t believe me either. With my senses wide open and my emotions running so high, I got really intense and was not thinking logically. My marriage was not providing the stimulation that I received from #MisterControl, mentally or physically. My best solution was to just move on. With hopes that my relationship with #MisterControl could grow. I wanted to give him all of me. My mind, heart, body and soul was his for the taking.

In the meantime, I’m trying desperately to figure out why #MC isn’t taking advantage of this opportunity to have me. He is staying in constant contact, but not making any plans to see me. Finally tired of waiting, I start sending provocative pictures again. Finding sayings online that I know will touch some part of him. And Bingo! He asks to see me.

We set a day and time and I eagerly awaited. When the day arrived, I began my usual preparations  to ensure I looked and smelled my very best. I picked out the sexiest dress I could find and my 6 inch heels. Per his request, my hair was done up in a neat bun and no panties. I get in my car and begin to drive to what was becoming our hotel and #MC messages me to tell me he couldn’t make it. He had an emergency with his mother. I was disappointed but could be mad, after all, it was his mom. While talking later that afternoon, I find out that he still could have made our session. The emergency was not an illness or sickness and he was back home and resting when he messaged me. I grew furious. He knew exactly what time I would leave to be on time and waited to cancel? What the hell was going on?

His explanation left little to be desired but I didn’t want to give up yet. So I took a few days to gather my senses and decided to forgive him (first mistake). We then set a second day and again he cancels. This time with no reason. I was livid and hurt. #MisterControl was playing with my mind and I didn’t like it one bit. I had done this very thing to other men, so I knew the game, and now I was on the receiving end. Was he trying to pay me back for the men I had hurt? Was he pushing me away? Or was he cruel and I didn’t catch it in the beginning? I asked to be released from my contract. I knew at this point submission to him was not going to work for me. The next several weeks I spent with old male friends. I needed to be in control and to feel desired. #MisterControl began to communicate with me again (second mistake). We kept things on a friendly level and I was ok with that. I really fell hard for this man, it was the first time in my that I had emotions this strong for anyone. So, when he asked to see me, I agreed. I wish I had known this would be the last time.

 

Addiction 101…Session #2

Now this is where is things began to move very quickly, at least for me, in my mind. After the first session with #MisterControl, I was left feeling euphoric in a sense. You see, sex for me has always been more than a release, it’s like a drug. The kind of drug that makes all of your cares, tensions, concerns, worries, fears and woes just disappear. You know, that good shit. Well #MisterControl had that good good shit. I was captivated mentally and physically by this man I barely knew and wanted more, no ALL of him! My body began telling my mind that I needed him often. That I needed to be consumed by and to consume every part of him. My thoughts were about him constantly. What being with him 24/7 would be like. What serving this man on a daily basis would mean for both of us. I began putting this thought out there to him to see if he was thinking along the same lines. Were his private moments filled with thoughts of me, like mine were of him? I had to know.

During this same time things in my marriage were happening that weren’t making me very happy. Little things, that were becoming big things. My emotions were running high. The more I concentrated on #MisterControl, the less my marriage looked appealing. Now, don’t get me wrong I love my husband, but the passion that #MisterControl ignited in me was unlike anything I had ever felt. For an addict, feeling is everything. So when the hubs fell short on providing the passion, I fell short on the patience and chased my drug of choice, #MisterControl. Being a deep thinker,  I usually like to go deep right away with those I converse with. My conversations with #MC began on the surface like most of the men I got involved with. When I would attempt to go a little deeper I began to notice some hesitation on his part so I decided to turn on the heat and steer the conversations more towards sex. Sending him provocative pictures at work, teasing him, keeping him aroused while we were a part. I knew this would build up to moving session #2 closer.

There wasn’t a great deal of time between sessions 1 and 2, probably 2 weeks or so. By this time, my addiction is in high gear from trying to keep #MisterControl aroused. I could not wait to see him. We didn’t have solid plans, but in my mind, we did. He said he may be available on a certain day if he didn’t decide to ride (his motorcycle) with his group. Well, for me that was a given, why would he ride when he had me waiting to give myself to him in any way he desired. That wasn’t a hard choice. But a few days later he told me he was riding. I was crushed, livid, hurt and most of all disappointed. I couldn’t understand why he would want to miss a day with me. I would miss my own funeral for a chance to be with him. What was wrong with him? Was there someone more interesting? Was he testing me? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong? What the HELL was wrong with him? I needed my fix, and he was denying me. I acted like an addict whose dealer was holding out on her. He was surprised by my reaction to say the least. And then I became embarrassed. Once I got my senses about me, I suggested we meet after he was done. And he said “yes”. Nothing and no one was going to keep me from what I needed.

I was so excited about our meeting and a little self-absorbed, that I only remember a few things about that afternoon. I arrived on time, (I was late the first time and he looked disappointed). He was 45 min late. When he arrived he messaged from the hotel room. I remember seeing him looking out of window, watching me get out of my car. This made me smile. He greeted me with a big hug and the most passionate kiss. I remember trying to help him remove his boots (I knew he was tired from the ride) and him not wanting me to, but me helping anyway. I remember telling him how sexy the cuffs and collar made me feel, how I enjoyed wearing them. But most of all I remember the aftercare was different from the first time. He was gentle and kind, but much more closed off. And lastly, I remember how tired he looked as he waited for me to get dressed while he sat with his head in hands and me wanting so badly to hold him and kiss him, but instead I continued to dress so he could go home. On my ride home, I felt so ashamed and selfish. Like I had used him. But I told myself he would not have been there if he didn’t want to be. And I got my fix.

And so it begins…Session #1

I was determined (not sure why) that this first session was going to be surprising for #MisterControl. I would follow his request of no panties in his presence but my outfit would not be as revealing as he anticipated. Since his reply was “wear something sexy”, I wanted him to think I wasn’t sure what sexy was. Somewhere in the back of mind I went in thinking this was a game I was going to win. After all, didn’t they always wind up at my beck and call in the end? Who was he to think that some sweet conversation and great sex was going to make me give him my total submission? When I arrived at the restaurant, he was there waiting and the second I saw him, I felt the wetness creeping down between my legs. While we sat and had lunch together, the wall I had so diligently to built up, just crumbled. I told him how nervous he made me. There was something about being in his presence that made me feel like I was sixteen again. I hated that feeling, and knew I had to do something about it.

I wanted to get this over with. I wanted to see that I was building this up in my head, that he, #MisterControl was just like the other men I had been with. But the butterflies in my stomach were making me act giddy, I couldn’t control it. Once in the hotel room, I felt lost. He looked at me and smiled as if he knew I had no clue what he wanted from me.  When he approached me and kissed me, my knees felt as if they weren’t going to hold me up anymore. His hands on my body caused the deepest sighs to come rolling from my throat. My body was on fire from a kiss and a touch, and my womanhood was dripping wet at the same time. I could no longer think, only comply. As I undressed for him per his instruction, I kept thinking, “you are in control, you are always in control.” When he sees that I followed his only request of no underwear, he smiles this smile at me that says “good girl” and begins to kiss and caress my body again. I was his. I belonged to him in that moment and I didn’t care anymore. If he told me stand on one leg and howl. . .I would have without question.

Our first session for me was wonderful. He was gentle and sensual. #MisterControl knew what he was doing. It was different than what I had anticipated (not knowing there were levels to this). But the aftercare is what really captured my heart. We laid together and talked. For the first time in his presence I was completely relaxed. We talked about everything and shared parts of our lives with one another that had been reserved for those only we were closest to. We also discovered we had many odd similarities. Not the normal, “we like the same foods and colors”, but really odd things that two strangers would never guess they had in common. I really began to feel a connection and I could tell he did too. I learned to read people at a very young age. Manipulation for me came early and easy. So as we laid there talking and sharing, I took the opportunity to read him, feel him out. He was indeed being genuine.  This for me was the beginning of the end. Before we were to part ways, I did my usual thing of checking my phone trying to show lack of interest in what just took place, and much to my surprise, #MisterControl approached me and took me from behind like the dominate male I knew he was. This was a great start, or so I thought.

The Beginning

 

I still wonder what made him message me on that site. There was nothing there to indicate that I was in search of a Dominate male or exploring my submissive side, yet here he was #MisterControl, telling me how erotic the picture of my neatly painted red lips were. I chose to use a picture of my full lips as my profile picture to gage the intelligence levels in the comments from men. As I suspected, 90% of the reactions were about oral sex (no surprise, my lips are beautiful). But with this man, I knew right away he was different. I immediately responded to him with “Thank you Sir”. I still don’t know why, but it just seemed right.

At 46, I have been married 27 years. My husband and I have a great relationship most of the time. When my sex drive kicked into super high gear and we discussed the issue, we discovered that the thought of me having sex with other men turned him on. He didn’t want to participate, only to hear about my adventures, see pictures and maybe videos. This worked well for us, and being the adventurous type that I am, I took full advantage of the opportunity. I had a few well-chosen friends that I would get together with on a regular basis. Yet there was still something missing. I wasn’t sure what, but I still didn’t quite feel the satisfaction one should have being in my situation. A visit with a long time friend one day brought to light a deep desire that I didn’t even know existed. During one of our very heated sexual encounters, he reached up and gently placed his hand around my neck. My body exploded violently almost immediately. I knew then what was missing. I was consumed for days with the thought of this masculine hand on my neck while climaxing and the mere thought kept me, well, more than aroused to say the least. I had to learn why.

It was a month later that I met #MisterControl. During that time I had begun to google search alternative sex and things of that nature to no avail. I wasn’t quite sure what direction to begin my research. Then enters #MisterControl. He explained it all without having to explain a thing. After only a few a conversations I wanted this man inside me with his hand on my neck. I wanted, no needed to be dominated by this man. As we chatted and he talked about what he was looking for, my mind began to race. I was hooked on the thought of belonging to him. Now being the over-achiever that I tend to be, I read everything I could find on submissive and Dom/sub relationships. Thinking this would prepare me for what I was about to embark on. That was my first mistake, no two relationships are ever the same. There are basic guideline and safety rules one should follow, yes, but the relationship is ALWAYS different. I made it known from the beginning that submissiveness was somewhat of an illusion for me. That because of my upbringing and circumstances in life, I wasn’t sure I could be submissive to any man ever. But I was willing to try for him. I still don’t know why I chose him. I just knew that when we talked I lit up like a Christmas tree and felt like a teenager all over again. I wanted to please him.  We chatted for a brief period, but when I saw him for the very first time and looked in his eyes, I fell in love over coffee.